Recently, a good friend of mine was heartbroken. Shortly thereafter, she had some doubts about one night stands and if it would be a mistake or not. This conversation ensued after she asked for my opinion.
“I’m just gonna speak from my philosophy here. This is not advice.
First, I feel that when you build a connection with someone through sex, that’s something meaningful. Something that is an addition to your life and your relationship. Like an improvement on something that is already good. Icing on the cake, as it were.
Second come one night stands for fun. It misses out on the deeper connection that sex can offer, but if that’s your thing… Whatever. (Like my mom always taught me: Do whatever makes you happy as long as you’re good to those around you.)
Third is what is potentially destructive. Using sex as a coping mechanism. You’re reducing something awesome to something merely used to cope with things you can’t handle.”
“I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m allowing myself to feel sad but I also don’t want to be sad all the time. I want to meet people and have fun.”
“So? Go ahead and do so. You don’t need a dick in your mouth to do that.”
“What if I want a dick in my mouth?”
“Just for fun? In that case I see no problem.”
I often don’t really care that much when people do things differently from me. What is saddening is when people lie to themselves or start underappreciating something awesome. I’ve seen people say they’re in category 2 when they’re really in category 3. Actually, I’ve seen people say they’re in category 1 when they’re in 3. That’s where things like a lack of congruency between thoughts, emotions and actions come into play. Like I’ve written before, that can lead to feelings of sadness, doubt, less self-esteem or avoiding the real problems in your head. It’s not really any different from abusing something like alcohol and lying to yourself about it. This is not about morals and how you should treat sex, this is about being honest towards yourself.