(Re-reading this article before posting, I find that it is more accurate to say that many of the things mentioned here are more like guidelines to being a better person than a how-to guide on being manly. Take it however you will.)
I’m not sure if I’m qualified enough to talk about manliness, since I feel like I have achieved very little in that field so far, except for growing a respectable amount of facial and chest hair. For that reason, I’ll let other people help me out on the subject through some quotes.
“A man who neglects his passion easily to give in to whimsical demands of a woman is not a very reliable man to his woman. If he neglects one passion for another, why would he not neglect his woman when another passion demands his attention?” – David Deida
I’m (very loosely) paraphrasing this one since Deida is a fucking weirdo and I have no intention to read through his work again. Still, I found find this particular concept very profound. Everything you value in your life should have its fair share of energy and attention allotted to it. Obviously some things are more important to you than others and depending on the circumstances, your focus may temporarily change as well. Taking that into account, I do believe that a man’s steadfastness in his passions (and convictions) does have a significant carryover to how he deals with his relationships.
“Any male that owns a room doesn’t do it by announcing “hey, I’m an alpha male.” He does it through confidence, intelligent speaking, how he carries himself, and how he connects and resonates with other people in that room. Not because he benches 500 or has bigger arms than anyone in it or talks about all the asses he’s kicked and women he’s banged.” – Paul Carter
YES! Manliness and chivalry need more connotations (and intentions) of strength, kindness, honour and care. Not of machismo, sexism, dominance and lack of self control. Contrary to what I’ve seen some angry feminists write (don’t ask), chivalry and manliness are not -or at the very least SHOULD NOT BE- inherently mysoginistic. I’ll get back to that in a future article.
“If anybody can find someone to love them and to help them through this difficult thing that we call life, I support that in
any shape or form.” – Will Smith
We all deal with tough shit at some point in our lives. Whether it’s a loved one passing away, getting hurt and deceived by someone who we thought cared or experiencing whatever traumatic event. Some more than others, but it happens, and it sucks. Best case scenario, we get by through our own strength, the support of others and in turn our support towards them. So far, that sounds pretty obvious, right? Strangely enough, we still tend to bash on things that are hardly relevant to us, possibly taking away the support other people so desperately crave. It’s generally not productive to be hateful about petty matters that do not concern you. It seems to me like needless negativity and insecure whining. Not very becoming of a self-assured, strong, supportive, protective, manly man, is it?
Smith said the above quote in regards to supporting gay marriage and it illustrates my point nicely. Apparently some people have a hard time believing that tolerance and support towards things that do not affect you (but are beneficial to others) are not compatible with being loving and protective towards your social circle. The issue in this particular case is
apparently that “gay marriage destroys the sanctity of marriage” or whatever. Frankly, it never made sense to me, and that train of thought comes off as cowardly and insecure. It’s simple, really:
- Does it change anything for me whether some guy sticks his junk up another guy, chick or any of the 32434256 genders they have nowadays? Not really. Them wearing a ring or not does not change anything either.
- Does it make gay people happier if they are allowed to marry and have the same rights as ‘traditional’ people? Yes.
I believe people would be better off if they adopted this mentality a bit more, this tolerance/support thing fits the list of virtues on a manly man’s resume a lot better than cowardice and nonsensical hatred. Smith’s quote on gay marriage was just one example. I feel that it works the same way when it comes to feminism-related subjects, people who have different philosophies on sports and people from all kinds of religions.
I’ll write more articles on the subject as I find some inspiration for it. Meanwhile, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. (especially if I struck a nerve, hehe)