How to be a manly man, part 5: Don’t be like Elliot Rodger

A friend of mine recently posted this article on Facebook. It’s pretty long so I’ll recap.

  • Elliot Rodger, 22, killed 6 people and wounded another 13 recently before he killed himself.
  • He had a history of being bullied and the internet is fiercely debating his supposed mental state, his autism, his disdain for women, etc.
  • Elliot was part of PUAHate, an internet group of people who believe that they are entitled to having sex with women, but they’re convinced that they can’t get laid because women are stupid cunts and women will only go for rich, good looking guys.

The writer of the article went to take a look at the PUAH group and was shocked to find some of them defending Elliot and even stimulating each other to go out and kill people as retaliation for not being able to get laid. Elliot had apparently also made many remarks like this. He stated that ‘women are the enemy’, they ‘starve you of sex and humiliate you’, that you should hate them and that ‘women are the ultimate cause of your suffering’. Disturbing? It gets worse. The PUAH group at some point proceeds to talk about how rape is a totally legit thing and one guy is puzzled that “he can’t fuck a virgin 16-18 year old” despite the fact that “he is entitled to this” and that “he’ll go Rodger”.

(Much respect for writer Erin Ryan, who somehow had the stomach to sit through all that bullshit and made a good write up about it.)

 

Possibly because you're a complete and utter disgrace to manhood, you fucking idiot.
Possibly because you’re a complete and utter disgrace to manhood, you fucking idiot.

 

I could probably name 100 things that are wrong with what I just read, but there is one particular thing that bothers me which is prevalent in many aspects of society, not just when it comes to these ass nozzles who think they are entitled to sex with women they like. (Or hate… Or… What even goes on in their heads anyway?)

There is a strong emphasis on whining, self pity, blaming others and shifting responsibility. It’s apparently okay to settle for mediocrity (or less bluntly, ‘for a status quo’) for yourself as a person – since you’re entitled to good stuff anyway. I used to think this lead to little more than depression or an unsatisfying life, but reading up on the whole PUAH thing led me to believe that this is a factor in many problems we find in society, in this example an extreme form of misogyny leading up to the death of several people.

Ramit Sethi wrote a pretty cool article that puts this concept into words nicely while explaining what to do about it. I’ll quote the gist of it:

“This girl was asking for advice about a guy she was seeing. They had gone on a few dates, but he hardly called her and mostly sent short text replies when she initiated.

*Several examples of advice given by women*

But do you notice something funny about the advice? NOT ONE PERSON TOLD HER TO IMPROVE HERSELF. Instead, they told her about filtering men…and how HE needed to work to win her…and how she shouldn’t put up with the way he was treating her.

(…)

But I guarantee she could improve herself — becoming more fun, getting more fit, picking up interesting activities, and overall working on her positive attitude. This idea of actually improving yourself is advice NOBODY tells their friends. It’s politically incorrect and impolite, and it’s easier to tell them to DUMP THAT LOSER! But it also happens to be 100% true.

(…)

We do the same thing with careers. We write about what WE want in a job…how WE want a flexible schedule, how WE need to make $X, how WE want to work from home on Fridays. I call this “I, I, I Syndrome,” because average people spend so much time thinking about what they want…that they NEVER pay attention to what the hiring manager wants!

(…)

In other words, instead of waiting for others to “like you for who you are” (classic loser mentality), why not become a better person? Why not become truly IRRESISTIBLE by becoming more skilled, more attractive, more truly understanding their hopes/fears/dreams, and by becoming so popular they can’t help but want you?”

You’re not entitled to anything. Once you’re born into this world, things like hard work and luck mean more than some innate right to something. If you have loving parents like I have, who’ve always given you what you needed, consider yourself blessed and never take that for granted. Outside of that, once you step outside your door and into the big, bad world, it’s up to you not to leave things up to chance or wallow in self pity by bitching about “not getting what you’re entitled to”. This “I am entitled to X despite having done nothing to earn it”-train of thought is prevalent in our society and although to some extent legit (think of basic human rights), gives rise to a breed of self pitying, lazy, contemptable and apparently dangerous idiots. Elliot is an extreme case, but what I believe to be a big factor in breeding hatred, self-pity and many other bad things is something I see everywhere, and it’s something we can fight.

I feel like kids in our society are always told that we can be anything, yet as we grow older we’re told to settle for mediocrity and not stand out too much. Let’s take a moment to consider the fact that the evolution of our society has always been dependent on people that worked hard and stood out, not people that “felt they were entitled to things” and settled for
a mediocre life of whining. People like the PUAH group have no grasp of concepts like honour or strength.

“History doesn’t flow, it moves by leaps and bounds. Sometimes it must be pushed along by men like us along the way.” – Leon Silverburg in Suikoden 2.