The hurt cycle

Getting fucked over by people you trust, feeling down over bad things happening around the world or even being frustrated when you feel wronged by life as a whole. We’ve all been there and if it happens often enough, it can be easy to become bitter and take the selfish route. We’ve all lied in our lives, we’ve all had points where we let people be tools to our goals rather than the goal itself, we’ve all been hypocrites at some point, the list goes on and on. Whether it was out of anger, spite, sadness, ignorance, weakness, or simply because our integrity isn’t as infallible as we’d like to believe. Every single push into the wrong direction can make us end up doing things to hurt others for selfish reasons. Most of us know a guy or girl who has had bad experiences with relationships and ended up using other people’s feelings for self-affirmation through sex as a result. I’m sure most people know the cliché “my parents always hit me”-person who ends up hitting his own children. Or what about some of the extremes, like kids getting bullied up to the point where they shoot up their school?


I’m fairly sure I just supported my own hypocrisy statement here, but I still try to adhere to this when I can.


There’s no denying that harm done to us, or at least perceiving events as such, have an effect on us, often without realizing it. This chain of being hurt and disappointed, followed by using and hurting other people can become an endless and vicious cycle, with a bitter dog-eat-dog mentality as a result. But instead of letting it corrupt us to the point where we develop bad traits and habits that will hurt others who have never harmed us, we can choose to take a different course of action.

Acting despite fear, not because of fear.
Cutting out people who tear us down.
Realizing the impact we have on people.
Growing as a person and getting stronger.
Acting, thinking and feeling congruently.
Being understanding towards people.
Consciously valuing honor, honesty and integrity.

There are so many alternatives to unleashing our pent up hurt on the people around us. The hurt-thing is a vicious cycle, but it can be broken. Provided that you’re strong enough, there’s always a way to do so. And should you ever doubt that there is a reason to do so, remember that you’re needed. Leigh Peele put this into words wonderfully:

“This world is at times so disappointing I find it hard to function. But, you know what keeps me from calling quits on the human race? The good people. There are kind, smart, and genuine people who need your help because we are screaming against a very loud bad crowd sometimes.” – Leigh Peele